Canada ... I hate you. I really, really hate you.
I hate the awful winters which reach arctic-temperatures throughout most of the country. I also hate snowshoeing, wind chill and freezing rain.
I hate your "representative" animals the beaver and geese; telling that Canada should choose these when others have bears, lions and eagles.
I hate the maple leaf. God I hate it ... a LEAF represents your damn country!
I don't hate maple syrup (not crazy about it either), but I hate the way you drone on about it as if it were something of significance and not a damn food sauce people use on occasion; it's also available in plenty of other places!
I hate hockey and let's face it, you love it because it's the only damn sport you can play here for half the year anyway!
I hate Canada's smug attitude of superiority to other nations and its American neighbor; historically, globally - Canada has accomplished squat!
I hate how Canadians think they're so progressive and liberal when they are some of the most racist people on earth, see: First Nations, Inuit, Blacks, immigrants, etc.
I hate Canadians blathering falsely about how "nice" and "friendly" they are when it's absolutely false, for kind people, see: Irish, Aussies, Americans, etc.
I hate the way Canada claims to be 'loved internationally' and liked by all. How is that possible when it's not even a blip on the radar of the rest of the world? When it's an international joke? When it could implode and it would be a blurb in tomorrow's newspaper on page 8!
I hate how you have nothing up in the north: just poverty, snow, and desolation.
I hate how you brag about being "the most beautiful country on earth". Really? I think the USA, New Zealand, and countless other nations can compete in terms of topography and landscapes.
I hate how British Columbia calls itself 'beautiful' and brags endlessly; what's the difference between it and Washington or Oregon (besides the tripled cost of living and taxes)?
I hate how Canada brags about its home-born celebrities but doesn't pause to wonder why they (and all the rich) flee to the USA and never return again.
I hate how there's nowhere to travel, only the US nearby and who can afford to go there when your currency is always valued lower?
I hate how everything is cheaper in the US but you can't even order in without tripling the price through shipping costs, local taxes and "import fees".
I hate your capital Ottawa - which looks like a Soviet dump, has winters colder than Moscow; is an ugly, dilapidated nest of vipers.
I hate the prairie provinces: flat, empty and full of racist obese white people and Aboriginals living in wastelands.
I hate how Aboriginals need to "get over the past" since it was "so long ago" and yet Quebec forces its language on the entire country and gets to whine endlessly about 'historic wrongs'. Double standard?
I hate how you make the country bilingual and yet have NO free federal programs or even a goddamn website to help Canadians learn.
I hate how everyone that runs the country comes from Quebec-Ontario region, which is why it never makes any progress; I hate your nepotism, cronyism, corruption and the cesspool that is the 'capital region'.
I hate your "Canadian" stuff: Kraft Dinner, The Tragically Hip, Molson beer, twoonie, curling.
I hate Tim Hortons ... it's a substandard coffee chain. Why have you brainwashed yourselves into all the hype? Oh right, because you have nothing else to do, see or live for.
I hate your leeching royal family and 'Queen of Canada' who doesn't even reside there.
I hate your ridiculous cost of living; your internet and cell phone providers that are beaten in cost and service by developing nations!
I hate ignorant Canadians bragging that they never had slavery, or the KKK, or [insert X here] that the country did in fact have.
I hate how no historical figures are celebrated except old, racist drunken prime ministers. What about black leaders, Native rebels, or women? (Think of all the celebrated ones from the USA.)
I hate your national anthem (because I hate everything else about you).
I hate the CBC which doesn't even begin to compare to the BBC in terms of coverage and quality programming. I hate all your TV shows: Corner Gas, Schitt's Creek? REALLY?!
I hate your writers ... I didn't even know any other than two (when I googled), but compare them to even the USA's famous authors and their works.
I hate your garbage movies, your overrated health care (and 6 month to 4 year wait times), your uneducated populace, your high levels of poverty, your stunning hypocrisies, to name but a few more things.
I hate your lack of spirit, courage, innovation, or ability to be in any way unique or pioneering.
I hate you Canada ... with every fiber of my being. I would rather be cremated and dumped into an outhouse elsewhere than be buried here.
Most of all ... I hate how difficult you make it to leave with your cost of living, taxation, bureaucracy and making hostages wait years until they escape.
Canada ... I really, really hate you.
